1. No one rubs me down with lotion at night. And if I don't bathe myself then I'm never clean.
2. When I'm running a fever no one sets there with a Pedialyte popsicle and slowly lets me suck on it.
3. I don't get a foot rub if I have a blister from walking. In fact, I get told to quit acting like a baby and not to look at WebMD to make sure it's not some viral infection.
4. No one claps and praises me for walking, using a spoon, saying "thank you" or any other simple task.
5. If I do the splits I'll end up in the hospital.
6. I can't eat cold things without a pain shooting through my mouth.
7. I can't just walk up to my wife's computer and start banging on the keys and get away with it.
8. I don't get a continuous shower of gifts every time I see my aunts, uncles or grandparents.
9. My doctor tells me to stop gaining weight. In fact, people poke his belly and think it's cute. They look at me and say "you don't look like you're missing too many meals these days"
10. If I take a shot in my manhood nothing retracts into my body to avoid the splintering pain.
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